Thursday, May 14, 2009

"How Can I Help Her?" - Tip #1

That is a question I get often from friends who are seeking ways on how they can help a mom who has just experienced one or more of the following.

*Had a premature baby.
*Had a baby with a serious medical condition.
*Received the diagnosis of her child’s disability.

I have had the “special” blessing of wearing all of those hats. So, I want to start a series and share things that have helped me or would have greatly helped me.

#1 – Listen more, talk less. Talk as little as possible especially if you can’t relate. Every mom is different and every situation is different. No two women respond exactly the same way in a given situation. Even if you can somewhat relate, only talk when spoken through (i.e. when God leads you). The best present you can offer her is your presence. So, be slow to speak and quick to listen. There were so many people who tried to help me by coming up with what they thought I wanted to hear. Many times what they said caused me to feel worse than I already did. Contrary to Job’s friends, it’s a good idea to remember Prov. 21:23. It was such a blessing to me when my friends just sat and wept with me (Romans 12:15b). Also, in the initial stage, do not bombard her with theology. At this stage, she needs a friend not a theologian. The time will come when you will have plenty of opportunities to share many scriptures & words of encouragement (Prov. 15:23). At that time, God will bless your gracious words to be “like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:24).


~Kim (and family) said...

This is so good to know, thank you.

robin said...

I totally agree, having a i pound baby, losing a 1 pound baby and now raising a nephew with Autism, it is good to have someone to listen and be present when needed.
By the way my 1 pound baby is now almost 40 pounds!!!