"How Can I Help Her?" - Tip #2

Understand that she may grieve

Her child may be living; however she may still grieve for various reasons. She may grieve the death of a dream (i.e. all the things she & her husband had planned for their child before they found out he/she would have special needs). She may grieve the easier life or typical family that she once had. She may also grieve the abrupt end to a pregnancy. For example, here are some thoughts that I wrote down a month after my pregnancy ended.

March 13, 2003
I can’t help but to be constantly reminded of my grief. I had to buy an insulated bag to carry my bottles to the hospital after I pump. Kempton & I went to Babies R Us. I remembered that I was in there just a week before when I was still pregnant. At the sight of the first pregnant woman, I burst into tears.
At another time, we were eating at a restaurant. As soon as I saw a pregnant woman, I played back in my mind the last time I was eating in a restaurant while I was pregnant. I became upset and thought, “I’m STILL suppose to be pregnant!”
It seems like I have a radar for all pregnant women & moms with babies. I see them EVERYWHERE! I want so much to be pregnant again. I truly miss the feel of my baby’s heartbeat, hiccups, and movements.
I am still in shock. My pregnancy came to a sudden stop as with the changing of a traffic signal but without the yellow warning light.

The grieving period looks different for every woman. It could last several weeks or even years. Be sensitive & patient towards your friend in this stage. She could be very moody; one day she may be cheerful and talkative and the next day she could be angry & withdrawn. Remember that “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, & endures all things” (I Cor. 13:7). Pray for the strength and wisdom on how to love her during this stage. You can also ask her how you can best provide encouragement & support to her. Some women won’t know, but others may actually have a few things to share.

(Read the previous posts in this series.)