Thursday, December 15, 2011

Why I hate Disability

It’s so daily! There has never been a day over these 8½ years of my son’s life that I didn't have to face disability. It never ends. It’s something I have to face day in, day out, and many times in the middle of the night. It goes with us on every family outing & it invites itself on every family vacation. I may forget about it temporarily, but it won’t let me do that for long. It stares me in the face causing me to acknowledge its presence.

But disability is also a gift to me. Because it’s so daily, I must turn to my Savior constantly. Before disability entered my life, I was a prideful, self-sufficient, “I have my life all in order” type of girl. I had a great childhood, went to good schools, had the best teaching job, & married the man of my dreams, so when I got pregnant I thought that our son would complete this perfect picture. Then February 10, 2003 came. Along with it prematurity, hospital visits, seizures, mental disability, etc. My perfect life was shattered. What a good gift from God! Of course my flesh hates every bit of this chiseling of my selfishness & pride.

But it causes me to have to run to Jesus. Many days I wake up and dread getting out of bed. I lie there and wonder how I've been able to do all that I do for the last 2920+ days of my life. But I get up. Again & Again & Again. God is with me. Holding my hand or should I say carrying me through the day. So this daily-ness of disability leads me down the path to Calvary and at the cross is where I lay my burdens down and my Savior’s sufficient strength restores me to keep living life to the fullest (John 10:10)…Daily.

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